Andy Vandervell reads between the lines of Microsoft’s Windows 10 launch
Dear Valued Microsoft Customer,
We’re sorry. We’re so, so, so very sorry. We thought we knew better than you. We were wrong. If we could take it all back, we would. The broken promises, the broken user interface, the broken leadership: we understand all that now.
Please come back to us.
Do you want the truth? We were scared. Terrified. Terrified that you’d leave us. All those shiny metal tablet things, those tasty overpriced Apples and cool, affordable Androids: don’t lie, we saw you with them.
We could see we were losing you, so we tried too hard. We tried too hard to make you love us again. We thought a kickstand and dancers was what you wanted, but we understand now that all you really wanted was something that actually worked.
What mistakes did we make? So many, so many it makes us cringe. How dumb have we been? Please don’t answer that.
We’re sorry we killed the Start Menu. We didn’t think you actually liked it because we never did. We were so obsessed with re-inventing the future, we forgot about our past. We forgot what made you love us in the first place. We wanted you to touch us, swipe us and tap us, but now we understand you still like to prod us with little pointers. We’d prefer it if you didn’t, but if you want to you can. It’s ok.
Oh, hey, we almost forgot: we have a gift for you. It’s called Windows 10. We know, what happened to Windows 9? Well, Windows 10 is so awesome we skipped 9. Isn’t that great? We just know you’re going to love Windows 10, at least we’re pretty sure you’ll love it… we hope you’ll love it. Please love it.
And check it out… look what’s back! It’s the Start Menu. It’s not just any old Start Menu, though, this one has live tiles. Now look, we know what you’re going to say but don’t blame the live tiles! It wasn’t their fault, it was ours. The live tiles are fun, colourful and funky, just like us.
But we’re serious, too. Don’t forget that. You can rely on us. We know you have a thousand users to manage and don’t want them to freak out because the icons look funny, but that’s why we made Windows 10. It’s designed so that normal people who hate change won’t freak out. Please don’t freak out.
We know you’re a power user, too, so we’ve done some things we know you’ll love. Look, cut and paste… only joking! Well, sort of, but you can now use it in the Command Prompt. How sweet is that? Pretty sweet.
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Most importantly, though, Windows 10 is all about the desktop. You can snap all kinds of apps together, side-by-side. You can even create extra desktops and switch between them, just like your friends who own Macs can. Please don’t buy a Mac.
Look, all we can say now is Windows 10 is going to make you so productive. You’re going to have loads of free time now — more time for playing awesome games on the Xbox One and PC! Are we right? Hell yes we are, try Forza Horizon 2: it’s awesome.
But you know what the best bit is? Windows 10 will run on everything. Your PC, your tablet, your phone, you name it and it’ll run Windows 10. It will all work perfectly. We know we said that last time, but this time we really mean it.
So please come back to us Valued Microsoft Customer, we love you so much. We can’t imagine life without you. We promise we’ll never let you down again.
PS: The cloud is awesome, we love clouds.
Next, read about the 10 defining features of Windows 10