Samsung has managed to keep the Galaxy S20 in the headlines by giving the flagship model a makeover. The new Tactical version of the phone comes in a camo-green, has a rugged looking case, and has apparently been made for the US Army.
It’s amazing that Samsung has managed to take one of the best-looking phones around and turn it into something that looks like it belongs in a ’90s action film. Apologies if that is your aesthetic but I, for one, am not enthusiastic about a phone that looks like my dad’s old Sat Nav.
I’m sure my completely unresearched opinion is incredibly valuable to a company that managed to make just over 18 billion in profit last year. As such, I’ve compiled a list of special edition S20 phones that would do a lot better on the market than the bogey-green military edition.
The Bat Phone
Alright, I appreciate bats aren’t top of anyone’s “favourite animals” list right now but hear me out.
The word iconic is bandied around a lot these days but the bat phone is definitely in that category. The bright red blower first appeared in the 1960s Batman TV series and provided a direct link between the masked superhero and commissioner Gordon. Since then, it’s been adopted into business slang to refer to a secret phone number that’s only given out to VIPs.
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Given its history, a bat-phone would need to be something that says: “Hey, I’m a filthy rich hero who needs to maintain multiple identities.” That’s perfect marketing material right there.
The phone need to be chameleon-like, changing between a bright red colour and a slick black version plastered with the yellow Batman symbol. There’d also need to be an easy way to switch between multiple phone numbers to maintain your hidden identity.
And it should have a couple of other Batman themed gadgets installed too. Maybe it could project a bat symbol into the sky and fire bullets or something?
Can’t believe I’m giving these ideas away for free.
A Fiat 500 crossover
It looks like OnePlus has ended its partnership with McLaren, meaning that there’s room in the market for a new automobile and phone crossover.
Sure, you could try and aim high and do something like a Lamborghini or Porsche mash-up, but how many people own those cars? Virtually none, I believe, without having looked at any figures.
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And how many people own Fiat 500s? Well I couldn’t find the data for that either but I bet it’s a lot.
Fiat 500 has become something of a subculture on certain social platforms. And some would argue that Fiat 500 owners might be the type of people who would enjoy matching up their phone and car in a cutesy, tasteless fashion.
You could promise to match the finish of the phone with the finish of their car. Or throw in a free Starbucks with every order. Either way, the Fiat 500 phones would basically sell themselves.
Space Force x S20
The Tiger King trend is well and truly over (which is sad for me, because that would have made a better visual gag.) There are two main contenders for our next TV obsession: Space Force and Snowpiercer.
Alas, without Joon-Ho’s genius director touch and Chris Evans’ biceps, I don’t think Snowpiercer will take off in the same way that the 2013 film did. But if past experience is anything to go by, Steve Carrell’s enduring popularity will make his new comedy show a hit, even if it’s painfully unfunny.
So it’s a good time to try and cash in on the space trend.
Sadly, mobile phones don’t function properly in space, which is something that Samsung should start working on immediately. But while the company is figuring out the finer details on that technology, it could slap some space-looking aesthetics on the S20 and say it’s built the phone especially for astronauts.
It’s the same set of ideas that’s behind the new Tactical version of the phone, but instead of hood-winking the US Army you’re fooling NASA instead.