OPINION: When I was ten years old, I asked my parents to get me a karaoke machine for Christmas. I loved it, but I wouldn’t recommend you get one for your kid.
Of course, I didn’t ask for just any karaoke machine. I needed the official X Factor karaoke machine – because how am I expected to learn to sing without a Simon Cowell-approved microphone and speaker?
The karaoke machine was a large red and black thing that took up a large amount of space atop my shelf. I can’t find the exact model online (so think a bit less flashy and a bit more 2005 than the one pictured above) but I would say that a Google Image search brings up more X Factor-branded karaoke machines than could ever be necessary.
As a karaoke machine, the X Factor one was pretty terrible.
It looked obnoxious in my room and it only worked with specific karaoke albums which, of course, I couldn’t find in shops so I ended up singing the same songs every time I powered it up. I can still recall all of the lyrics to All Rise by Blue and Life Is A Rollercoaster haunts my dreams to this day.
There were a couple of upsides to the karaoke machine – for one, it doubled as a DVD player so I was finally able to upgrade from my small boxy TV’s built-in video slot.
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The microphone was also incredibly loud.
After giving up on my short-lived singing career, I turned to radio presenting as my new hobby. I balanced the karaoke machine on my windowsill, opened the window as wide as it would go and cranked up the volume. Then, I used the microphone to narrate my own radio show for everyone on my street to hear.
My neighbours never called in to my show – although I guess it would be difficult to hear them over the sound of my own voice – so I can’t say for sure whether they actually heard me talking to myself through the mic, but my family definitely did and I can only imagine the regret they felt knowing they’d dropped £50-100 on this machine.
Thankfully, there are now karaoke services like Roxi that offer more than three tracks (closer to 90,000, actually) and are a fraction less gimmicky than the X Factor machine that caught my eye in the 2005 Argos catalogue so, if you’re not put off by the thought of giving your child a microphone, that’s probably your best shout.
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Editorial independence
Editorial independence means being able to give an unbiased verdict about a product or company, with the avoidance of conflicts of interest. To ensure this is possible, every member of the editorial staff follows a clear code of conduct.
Professional conduct
We also expect our journalists to follow clear ethical standards in their work. Our staff members must strive for honesty and accuracy in everything they do. We follow the IPSO Editors’ code of practice to underpin these standards.
