The Pick Up Girls Smartwatch is the most tragic wearable ever

If you thought all that ‘pick-up artist’ nonsense was behind us, we’re afraid you’re wrong. In fact, it’s now infiltrated wearable devices with this, The Pick Up Girls Smartwatch.

It makes two promises: it will help you meet more girls and have more sex. How can a watch help you achieve this, you ask? With possibly the stupidest – and creepiest – features ever.

For starters, it has “subliminal and hypnosis techniques to program your brain”. It’s basically a self-help technique aimed at helping you build confidence and become less shy by listening to subliminal messages. Presumably that say “Be less shy” and “Be more confident”.

But that’s not all. Oh no. It also has a selection of incredibly patronising watch faces to show girls. One has roses on. Another kittens. Presumably the idea is girls will fall at your feet because you show them a picture of some kittens on your watch. Good luck with that.

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It sounds like a joke, but tragically it’s real. It promises to teach you social skills, develop a sense of humour, learn how to make eye contact, listen, tell great jokes, keep a conversation going and become a better lover. If that sounds a lot for a watch, it’s because it is. You could learn these skills by, you know, going out and speaking to people. You’d save yourself $185 (£118) in the process.

The project wants to raise $10,000. We’re happy to report so far it hasn’t raised a single penny.

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