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Tinder’s creepy new Smart Photos feature is ready to crush your self-esteem

The latest Tinder update introduces a new algorithmic feature called Smart Photos, designed to show potential matches the photo you look fittest in first. Wait, what?!

Yep, you read that right. You may or may not be down with matchmaking apps, but now you can at least take in heart in the fact that if swipe-based dating was your thing, you’d always be certain to put your best (selfie) foot forward.

The latest Tinder update has introduced a feature dubbed Smart Photos, which logs how others respond to your opening profile pic – you know, the one your inner narcissist and/or lone contradictory gender friend said you look hot in – and then learns how to re-order your snaps so potential matches are more likely to fall for your imagined digital self.

According to Tinder, Smart Photos has led to a 12% increase in matches based on its testing, which in the real world equates to at least a 10% greater chance of having the worst date of your life. Oh no wait, it’s finding “the most swipeworthy you….” Yeah, that one.

Some of the things it takes into account are whether or not you’re wearing a hat, in a group of people, or covering your face. So basically, the same criteria US Border Control uses to decide if you’re worth a strip search and indefinite detention or not.

Really interested in how machine learning can help you get laid? Tinder’s got an entire blog written by one of the project leads that goes into the nitty-gritty of how it works. Things mentioned include the “multi-armed bandit optimization problem”, “epsilon greedy” algorithm and everyone’s favourite, the “epsilon decay function.”

Basically, if you know what any of that means and meet anyone else who understands a word of it, you’re sorted – book the wedding in ASAP.

For the rest of us, it’s yet another reminder that machines are better than us – or at least, that the people with access to the smartest machines are damn sure they’re better than us. 

What do you mean you’re not aroused yet?!

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