All the silly things you’re not allowed to do with your Apple Card (that you probably will do anyway)

Not for the first time, Apple has risked ridicule for demanding rather a lot from the people who decide to use its wares. This time the spotlight’s on the Apple Card, which − it turns out − is a very high-maintenance piece of kit. Here’s everything Apple advises you don’t do with it.

If you’re fortunate enough to have your application for an Apple Card approved, make sure your shiny new toy doesn’t make contact with:

• Leather
• Denim
• Hard surfaces
• Abrasive objects, like loose change and keys

Okay, the last ones are understandable, but the others? I think every wallet I’ve ever owned has been largely made from leather. And the presence of denim on Apple’s forbidden list means you can’t slip it into your jeans pocket either, without risking damage. Ludicrous.

So what’s the worst that could happen if you don’t follow Apple guidelines? “Permanent discoloration that will not wash off,” the company says.

That doesn’t seem so bad. If, god forbid, you allow your standards to slip and your Apple Card picks up a stain, you can always try to scrub it off. But, of course, there are guidelines around this too.

Don’t clean your Apple Card using any of the following:

• Window cleaner
• Household cleaners
• Compressed air
• Aerosol sprays
• Solvents
• Ammonia
• Abrasives

Instead, Apple says, you should “gently wipe” your Apple Card clean, using either “a soft, slightly damp, lint-free microfiber cloth” or a “soft, microfiber cloth” that has been moistened with isopropyl alcohol.

But that’s not all. Apple says you should also take care to keep your Apple Card away from:

• Magnets
• Other credit cards

Magnets can damage other credit cards too − by demagnetising the metal strip − so its inclusion on this list isn’t surprising.

Credit cards though? “If two credit cards are placed in the same slot your card could become scratched,” Apple says. Anyone who watched the Apple Card’s unveiling earlier this year will know just how big a tragedy this would be.

Apple is clearly very pleased with the Apple Card’s simple design − but it’s made of titanium, a famously hardy material. Other credit cards, on the other hand, are largely made out of flimsy plastic.

Fortunately, requesting a replacement Apple Card is easy. All you need to do is:

• Open Wallet on your iPhone
• Tap Apple Card
• Tap the More button
• Scroll down to Physical Card and tap Request Replacement Card, then follow the instructions

Good luck cutting your old one to bits though.