Women are technologically inferior to men. They are slow to take advantage of new technologies. They cannot read maps. They prioritise by what fits in their handbags - an item all women carry. They have less money than men and they will only buy a device when it is covered in pretty patterns or comes in pink. Especially pink.
Now I hope this opening paragraph annoyed our female reader(s) because it certainly did me, for while I adore technology for its relentlessly progressive drive the sector's understanding of women remains as backward as the script of a Carry On film.
Take today's announcement from cheapo manufacturer Binatone: the 'Carrera S350' GPS device, which the company describes as "the perfect sat nav for women".
Now this is a bold statement, especially considering that the perfect sat nav for women is surely the same as the perfect sat nav for men? Which, in our opinion, is currently the TomTom Go 720 - a unit which not only scooped straight 10s for only the second time in our history, but also came second in our Best Mobile Device category in our 2007 Awards. Apparently however, we are mistaken and according to the release this is why:
For a start (and I quote) "satellite navigation is completely dominated by men and it's time women caught on to this extremely useful technology" and the S350 qualifies for this task because "it slips easily into a handbag, it's really simple to use; and comes with a selection of different coloured casings which can be chopped and changed to match the mood of the day".
Furthermore, this presumably '60s Bond Girl targeting device has *shock + horror* a touchscreen (of undefined size) and "for those of you with nails to protect, there is even a helpful stylus (a wand for pressing the screen)" - those are not my brackets! Sid James would be proud. As for the other features, there are UK and Ireland maps, a speed camera database (no word if it is included or an extra subscription) and the ability to display pictures (formats not specified) and playback MP3 and MP4 file formats.
Need more information girly types? Exact dimensions and weight, perhaps? The make of sat nav receiver inside? The battery life? None of it is there, remember you're women and what more could you possibly be able to comprehend?!
Finally, Binatone tops all this off by explaining that "Sat nav is perfect for women irrespective of whether or not you can read a map and men shouldn't be allowed to keep it for themselves". Astonishing! For the record, the S350 only costs £119.99 and goes on sale immediately from Argos.
Is it any good? Who knows? But I'm sure once women have finished applying their lipstick, stroking their fluffy kittens and stuffing their handbags with copies of Cosmo and Hello magazine they'll be straight into their bubble-shaped brightly coloured small cars to buy one. Of course without one they'll get lost several times on their way to Argos (until a man points them in the right direction) before parking badly outside and leaving the wipers on...